Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Oh won't you be, an empathetic neighbor?

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"Empathy.  the ability to identify with and understand someone else's feelings or difficulties."  It has often been said that in times of difficulty communities come together to the betterment of all.  There are various explanations for why this happens, but I believe it just comes down to empathy.  We see our neighbors, our friends, our family, going through a difficult time and we think, "now, how would I feel if I was in that position?"  Then we do what we can to help.  I am just a little bit disappointed right now that this doesn't seem to be the situation in the current economy.  The poverty rate is rising to about 1 in 4, and are we doing anything?  My own little situation is just mediocre in comparison to the other serious problems our country is facing, and unfortunately I see a generalized lack of empathy.  Of course there are still people doing good things, but I feel that our hearts have just sort of hardened, and people have given up.  You would think that the same thing that got us into this mess, selfishness, would be the last thing we resort to when we want to heal from it, yet I see it much more prominently now than I ever have before.  That's my big idea on what is going on in our country, but for the rest of this post, I'm going to tell you about my husband and I's own current, miniscule, example of this.

It's a long story really, all leading to the meeting on Tuesday night.  I don't feel it is necessary to give you all the details, but you do need some, to help you understand. 

Our condo association currently has a "no-rental clause" wherein owners are not allowed to rent their condos, pretty self-explanatory.  These clauses went into place to try to keep values high.  The clause has not saved our properties from the market, however.  At a meeting in the summer, the association board told myself and my neighbor who is already in a new house and still trying to sell her condo, that we should petition our neighbors, and if we collected enough information and the majority of owners wanted to rent that we would hold an actual vote, and they would likely vote in favor of what the community wants. We decided it was a better compromise to ask to lift the clause for five years, just until the economy came back around (hopefully).  They agreed this would be a good solution. When we went to the board with our results: of the 26 owners we were able to petition, 18 were in favor of lifting the clause, they said we didn't have enough information.  Translation: we just wasted your time.  A letter went out in the beginning of November with meeting agenda details and nothing was mentioned about the topic.  Meanwhile, I had just petitioned all of my neighbors and told them there would likely be a vote, so I sent out a letter to everyone in the association, telling them that the board had not responded and if they wanted to push for discussion, then they should come to the meeting.
That gets us to last night.  Of course the majority of the people there were those who didn't want the clause lifted.  Of course I was getting dirty, haughty, looks all night.  And of course, myself and Deanna, who planned to join the board, were not voted in. 

So, what is the big deal?  Why am I so upset by this?  It's not really the end result that bothers me.  I figured we probably wouldn't get the clause lifted.  I understand their reasoning.  It's the conversations and attitudes that have made me so upset.  I've decided to list them and title to make things more interesting:

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Love My Dog, But Not My Neighbors" - In our petitioning, we did come across some who were not for lifting the clause.  We ran into one of our neighbors as she was walking her dog, explained the situation, and asked her opinion.  She responded that she would rather have no-one living above her than "loud people".  Apparently all renters are loud.  Apparently we don't care that an empty unit means a double mortgage for someone, but alas, this is how she felt.


"He Can Play in the Green Space" - After a meeting in which I was dismissed, and clearly not welcome, I called one of the board members the next day.  I thought we were friends.  I asked him if I was just wasting my time with the board.  He said that they believe "these girls [my neighbor and myself] are coming to us now that they want something but have never come to meetings before.  We've been running things fine for them up until now, and we will continue to do so."  I guess I was under the impression we should come to meetings when we have something to discuss.  Silly me.  I told him lots of other things, but I also was begging for some understanding and said, "Please understand that I want to get out of here as soon as I can, because I have a son who I would like to be able to have a yard for, and we would like to be able to expand our family, but just don't feel it's possible right now."  He responded, "well he can play in the green space".  He was referring to the patches of grass between the condos.  The cherry on top of the conversation was that the board member indicated that the board was frustrated with having to deal with the renters on their street who are, and I quote "of a different race".  (by the way, properties that were rented already when the clause went into place were grandfathered in).

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"Let Me Ask You a Question" - I think I could have let it all go: The written response to my letter, indicating that I did not give the owners that I petitioned a "cons" list for lifting the clause, even though they knew my agenda when I went door to door; the obvious pre-planning and conniving of all of the members at the meeting other than myself and my neighbor in order to "bring us down"; the eye rolling whenever I talked; the complete and utter dismissal of my concerns, but then Rita...I will say her name, because she made me this angry.  Anyway, then Rita asks if she can ask a question.  Which, whenever someone asks, "Can I ask a question?" expect a snarky, judgmental attack to follow.
Rita had a hard time getting to her question, so I asked,
"What was your question?", to which she responded,
"Did you move in as a young family?  I mean, did you plan on having a family when you bought your condo? Because a condo isn't exactly a good choice for someone planning on doing that." 
My thoughts at that moment, "oh no you did not just go there..."  My words at that moment:
"You did not just go there did you?  Are you trying to tell me that I should not have bought my condo?  How the heck was I supposed to know we were going to have a major housing market crash when I bought it 8 years ago.  Back then it was a wise financial decision, so how dare you even ask me that?!"
Not sure where the conversation went after that due to the blood boiling and extreme effort to not jump over the table at her. 

"I Just Did" -  Well, after Rita's question, I was not as well restrained, and I was getting sick of the people at the table making an overarching stereotype that all renters were irresponsible and bad, so I said,
"I understand that many of you have had a difficult time with the people who are renting next to you, but it's not fair to generalize all renters into this negative stereotype.  There are lots of people out there that make perfectly good renters."
Rita: "You can't say that, because.."
Me: "I just did"

"In A Few Years" - Another favorite from the evening:  A gentleman says, "Well in a couple of years we may all be in this boat and maybe we can consider it more then".  When it applies to them, they'll think about it.

I have many more examples but this blog is far too long and I think I've made my point.  If you are in a situation where you could help someone out, just do it, or at least just try to listen to them and empathize with them.  If nothing else this experience has taught me that there are a lot of people out there that need to be heard and we are ignoring them simply because we are not currently in their situation.  And that's what I have to say about that.