Just Shut Up

Wow.  "She is getting crass and rude", you say?  Well, yes.  Sorry.  But, this 

IS MY blog after all, and so, I reserve the right on this little chunk of cyber-space to be a bit of a snarky brat from time to time.  So, what's up? I will tell you.  I am sick of hearing how quickly you or someone you know ended up in their pre-pregnancy jeans, post-pregnancy.  Stop posting pictures.  Stop telling stories.  Stop running ridiculous amounts of errands.  Stop it.  For real. I know I no longer have an enormous belly, however, what you don't know (although you do now), is that I am making extreme attempts, every morning, to hide the bump that will not leave my body.  Don't get me wrong.  After the hemorrhage, I am seriously happy to be alive, but I am still human, and more than that, I am still a woman and still want to believe that I have the ability to have a nice body again, and so we are here, discussing it.  Stop reading if you are not yet pregnant and plan to be some day, or if you are a man (stopping reading will allow you to continue to live in complete guileless, ignorant, innocence). If neither of these describe you, or if you wish to know the truth, you may continue reading.  If you are pregnant and a friend has told you,  "It's not so bad.  I was back in my jeans in two weeks...vacuuming the whole house.  I was fine!", walk away and no longer consider her a friend, because either she is lying to you, or she is one of the few that really does snap back into a flat belly with boundless energy, and who needs to be around that?  If she loved you, she would be honest.  Recovering from having a baby sucks.  Really.  If you are lucky enough not to have something truly crazy happen, (e.g.  infection, hemorrhage, massive clots, thrombosis, etc) you will only have to deal with the other minor problems: bleeding like crazy for over a month, night sweats that leave you drenched...for months, unrelenting lethargy, a four month looking preggo belly...for months, hips that refuse to go back into place...for months.  I currently have this problem: pants I wore pre-pregnancy have not communicated with my post-pregnancy hips and are therefore too small.  However, my pregnancy jeans are also lacking in communication skills, as they are too large.  I thought I solved the problem by wearing some cords that I sported daily while pregnant, by simply wearing a belt.  As I went to attach the buckle to the belt, lo and behold: my hips are too big and the belt is too small. Wearing them without a belt results in a whole new problem...i.e. not a pretty sight while bending over.  Thus, those of you whom I know, will all be seeing lots of leggings, which are entirely inappropriate for this weather.  What's worse, is the hemorrhage set my energy levels back ten-fold, so as other women would be back with all of their gumption by now, I am still struggling and not only looking the frumpy mom part, but also feeling it.  Now, back to that lying friend.  If she is truly one of the perfect few, please tell her to shut up about it, because it really makes my wardrobe issues (aka emotional disturbances) even more frustrating.  It simply isn't fair that some women don't have to have 8 different sizes of jeans to have a baby.  You can also tell her that although she thinks she wins, we all really do.  Whether we are stuck inside all winter in sweats, because that is all that fits, or we are out pretending we never had our baby with our deceivingly flat bellies and small hips ("Surprise, hot young waiter!  She's a MOMMY!!"), I still have an incredible reason for it, and she is sleeping in my arms (on top of my still pregnant looking belly).  It may take me a year, or never, to get back, or even slightly close to the figure I want, and until then I will simply scoff off, or blog about, the perfect few, when I want to strangle them.  I am actually not writing to them, but to those of you who may feel less than.  Forget the figure for a while, and let's just enjoy our little bundles before they start worrying about their own figures.  Maybe, just maybe, I can set an example for this little girl that who we are as women is more than a flat belly.  Perhaps I can show her that being mother is combating the daily image battle, with exhibiting enormous and ridiculous amounts of love.  Because I really am hoping that what small amounts of energy I have are going towards that, and not stressing about my waistline.  

PS if someone asks you how far along you are (post baby), you have my permission to slap them.