Be Beautiful. That's an Order!

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Yesterday, I was looking back at old pictures.  Rather, Hayes was ransacking all of my old pictures and ruining half of them, and he came across a booklet containing "modeling" photos.  By modeling, I mean my two friends and I dressed up and took pictures of ourselves in various locations at my friend's house.  They were ridiculous, and I looked insane, but I don't really care about any of that.  What it drudged up was my old friend, Insecurity.  The same Insecurity, which I bet, if we're all honest, hangs onto a girl from the moment she finds out she should have boobs, to the time they start to sag...and everywhere in between (see also: Holy Boobs Batman for more boob stories).  If we had just been taking the photos to have fun, that would have been one thing, but I wasn't.  I was hoping that when we developed those pictures, one day (or one hour if our friend's mom was so inclined to pay the extra fee), later that lo and behold all my insecurities would melt away because looky there: a true beauty smiled back at me, forever immortalized by the photograph.  Alas, this never happened.  I would only scrutinize every picture for every minor problem and my gal Insecurity would jump right back on my back and demand a ride, to which I would succumb and here she still is poking me in the ribs.  I can still remember comments from people that just devastated me.  For example, my friend's mom telling me I looked like a young Barbara Streisand (a nice way of saying I had a huge nose).  Also, at homecoming, while dancing with my date, he looks at my friend's date and says "He is the luckiest guy in the world".  Thanks a lot jerk!  Anyway, I digress.  Although my self appreciation is not always at its strongest, I do feel I have come a long way from those pictures. Having a child makes thinking about yourself a whole lot less important and just plain stupid, but Insecurity still finds me from time to time.  Typically Facebook is the culprit: i.e. the FBfriend who just had a baby and looks like a supermodel posting a picture of herself in a bikini (insecurity just grabbed my ankles and yanked).  Then there is the "uz": magazines, models, celebrities.  Just when I start falling back into step with Insecurity, I have to remember to give her a nice slap on the ars and remind her that I am perfectly happy with who I am.  I may not be the "Proverbs wife" but I have found in my recent years that beauty can never be found on paper or the mirror.  I wish I could go back and tell that to my eye-rolling 13-year-old self.  Since that's not possible (yet) I hope maybe this message reaches back to girls in high school or younger.  You are bound to feel less than, ugly, fat, skinny, too much or too little of something, but you are already more than any of those insecurities can delete.  I believe there is a God that has something incredible waiting for you to seize.  I believe that the most blinding beauty is found in a heartfelt conversation with a friend, a humble heart, a grace filled smile, a song sung with vigor, music that shakes your soul, saying "I love you", hearing "I love you", meeting your newborn son...  I could go on forever.  My point is, your face will reflect your soul.  Don't wait around for a boy to tell you you are beautiful, and stop wishing you could be more of something.  Go look yourself in the mirror and instead of looking to see if suddenly you have become beautiful (after your new makeup, blemish cream, exfoliation extravaganza) and instead tell yourself whose life you can touch today to show a beauty that no amount of make-up can create.  Go out and be beautiful, and stop waiting for it to happen to you.  Perhaps I'll take that advice myself.