The Glamorous Life of a Mom

I have absolutely nothing inspirational to say today, so if that is why you are reading, I would stop now.  I just have a morning in the life of a mother of an 11 month-old to share, so that I can rid myself of the frustration and come to some sort of peace and resolve before the monster wakes from his nap.  Also, this may have to be short, since I still need to take a shower, and after you hear my story, you will know why this is of particular importance today.  So, the day began with a distinctive smell, coming from Hayes' nether regions.  The sad part is, I didn't change him right away.  I was that desperate for sleep that I just pulled his shirt over where the poop could squish out and kept sleeping, as I held him.  This only gets more disgusting, so now, you should stop reading if you are looking for inspiration or if you are easily grossed out (2 reasons to stop reading).  Ok - so I think I need to go back.  Hayes had been asleep in his crib, to awake at 4:45 because he is the world's worst sleeper and because I know I should just let him cry in such situations, but I can't do it.  Judge me and judge me now, because I have gotten to the point where I really don't care.  To make matters worse, he is cutting a tooth, so it is not just a whimpering cry, it is a whaling.  Anyway, I went in and got him and rocked him in his chair which I fell asleep in (it is the best chair in the world, actually is called a "Best Chair" - Look them up - made in Indiana and seriously worth the expense).  I thought I smelled poo, but was too tired to check.  We eventually ended up in my bed - stupid decision, since I am now spreading the poo all over the house.  I finally got up when I realized the poop had gone up his back and was about to be all over the bed.  Hayes turns into a baby wrestler when I try to change his diaper, so as you can predict, after I laid him down on the changing table, he flipped and tried to grab me, poop sticking now to his leg, foot, butt, and back.  I tried to hold him up while I wiped him with a wipe, but he kept twisting against me and stepped in and then grabbed the poopy diaper.  I got as much of the poop off of him before I carried him (at junior high dance partner length from me) to the bathroom.  Now, he was completely naked, as I saw no point in putting another diaper on him before I stripped him down for the bath.  He waddled off, I added soap to the bath, turned around and found him playing with a wet spot in the hallway - What was the source of this wetness you may ask?  Why yes, Hayes' freshly squirted pee.  So this is what we have so far - poop everywhere and now pee on the carpet.  I bathed him - brought him back to his room, and realized that I couldn't put him on the changing table because it was covered with the poop we previously were dealing with and so I had to lay the naked baby on the floor.  Baby wrestler wrangled away from me screaming and in the process I broke a diaper.  Finally I had him clean and with a diaper on.  Next it was time to clean up the hallway pee, before my cats found it and decided they needed to mark it as well.  As I was cleaning it, Hayes found the soapy water I was using, stuck his hand in it and ate it.  The morning continued at much the same pace - things being pulled out of the pantry and spilled all over the carpet, food being thrown on the floor, and let's just say nap time was like the land of milk and honey for me today.  Sometimes I revert back to my Sunday School lingo - I apologize.  But just google land of milk and honey if you're confused, because I really don't have the energy to switch it up.  I do love my little man, and in the midst of cleaning up the dried kiwis he had dropped all over the floor, he kissed and patted my tattoo, which made my frustration melt all away for that one minute, but I feel you all need to hear some of the truth of the life of a mom.  I'm sure those of you that are moms can sympathize, and when you miss having a little baby, just appreciate that you are currently not covered in poop.  Off to the showers!!