My baby turns two tomorrow. I thought about writing a blog to express how I feel about it, but I just wrote to him in a journal I have kept since before he was even conceived, and I feel comfortable enough sharing it with all of you. It puts how I feel much better than I could ever express writing to any audience other than him.
"Two years ago tonight, I was counting contractions, and now I am wrapping tractors in Toy Story paper, eagerly awaiting you getting out of your big boy bed tomorrow to discover the fun day we have planned for you. The way you have changed my life is so immense, so huge, that as cliche as it sounds, I have no way to put into words. You have not only made me a mother, Hayes, but you, and really only you, have made me aware of the vastness and depth of the word "love". You've taught me that true joy in life never comes from within, but from giving all you can to someone else. I used to dread having children after hearing you become less selfish. Horrible of me, I know, but I had no idea how fulfilling selfless love can be. And really, who am I kidding?! When you look up at me, say "my mama" and cuddle into me, nothing could possibly fill my heart with feelings of anything greater. You just have to know how every single day of your life has blessed your dad and me. Even your fits can make me smile, because I can just see this huge, albeit, misguided, independent personality bursting at the seems, confined to the limits of a two-year-old-vocabulary and expected behavior. And other than the naughty, you are a constant source of entertainment: you recently learned the Hula, are obsessed with Buzz Lightyear (Buzz is a popular word with you lately), think we are going to play with the "oo-oo's" (trains) at Toys-R-Us, anytime I tell you we are going to the store, hug me from your seat in the cart at the grocery store, call sunlight "hot", say "rrr" for cold, "Mao" for cat, "vrrrm" for car; love juice, which we have tricked you into thinking is pop, "pop-balls" (popcorn), Pixar movies, "Me-me's" (lawn mowers or motorcycles); you walk into our room in the morning saying "Mama, Dada! Hayes all done nigh-nights!". The list of small and simple things that make us hugely happy goes on and on and on and every day there is something new. It is so easy to get nostalgic and start to get sad that two years of your life have already passed us by, but what a stupid way of looking at it. We can instead rejoice in the absolutely stunning person you have been up until now and the even cooler part: that we have been able to share it with you. Now we get to anticipate every huge milestone, but more importantly, we can look forward to continuing to soak up ever little mundane thing you do, for every day we are blessed enough to share this life with you. Thank-you for coming into our lives two years ago, Hayes, and for finally helping us to realize the whole reason we were put here: to have you, to love you, to teach you, to know you. You make us infinitely happy, and we are so thankful that God has blessed us with you as our son. Happy Happy Birthday Sweet Boy! May this be your best year yet!"
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