No, my faithful followers, much to what I am sure is udder (purposeful spelling error pun) disappointment, I will not be talking about tata's in this post. I think we've done enough sharing on that topic for a while. "Tatata" refers to how my son Hayes says clock. And we'll get back to that. Now, I want to talk about my new coffee pot. IT is wonderful. As I was drinking my first cup this morning, I was thinking, well, first of all, Holy Cow!, this coffee is amazing, but I was also talking to Aaron (my husband) about how great it would be to go to the apple orchard today. We will be headed there shortly [we were there - I of course can never finish writing a blog in one sitting without my little pumpkin head gnawing on my ankles], but follow my thought-trail a little bit further, would you? Half-way through my second cup of coffee, I started thinking about how much I love this weather - the crisp air and warm food...the excuse to dress frumpy...you know - fall. I love it. It takes me back to this time I was sitting with a group of people and I confessed to them that I feel closer to God in the fall. Their eyes turned to shocked saucers. "Why?!", they implored. I wasn't quite expecting that reaction. I mean, is it crazy to equate a season to the "Higher Power"? Apparently it was. I couldn't put into words what I meant, as I usually cannot. However, as I was sipping my third cup of coffee, the words started pouring into my brain. By the fourth cup, they were jumping, neuron to neuron, in a linguistic frenzy!! So, why does fall make me feel closer to God? I think it's because, like my fifth cup of coffee, it gives me this creative jolt. Maybe it's the great food, or the weather, or the promise of many nights next to a crackling fire (however, ours must be a combination of our ipad crackling fire app, fire smelling candle, and the gas fire - I need a real fireplace one day), or maybe even Christmas, but whatever it is, I find myself in a state of anticipation.
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It seems even stronger to me this year. I have been home with our son Hayes for over a year now, and it seems that I get that feeling of wanting to do something more quite a lot. I feel guilty for admitting it, because I really do love being home with him and wouldn't trade it to be even "a big time actor" as I once quoted in my sleep. It's just that after you spend years of your life going to school to get into a great job and then you get that job and are continuously working to be better and better, when you are suddenly at home with no deadlines, it seems like there is an empty space full of ambition, full of fall. Here is where my story takes a drastic turn from whining to satisfaction. So that's right. I have found a way to feed this monster (not Hayes, but the monster of anticipation, if you will) and it is by what I am doing right now, and what I just did all morning. I'm writing, which I have always wanted to do, but have never had time for - Thank-you nap-time! And I'm raising this amazing kid. It's funny how little credit you can give yourself as a mom, but I had a "mommy aha" moment the other day which involved a ticking household object that I bet you'll never guess. A clock you say? You are brilliant! Truly, I am astounded. Yes, my dear reader, it was a clock. I had been hanging with Hayes, playing, you know, the "us" (short for, usual - not that I doubted your ability to deduce), when Hayes looked at the clock and pointed. I told him, "That's a clock Bunky [enter Hayes' pet name]. It goes tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock". His eyes were fixated, so we walked up to it and bounced back and fourth to the rhythmic ticking, whispering, "tick-tock, tick-tock". Then we went on with our day. In the afternoon, he looked at me, pointed at the clock, and said "ta, ta, ta, ta!!!" I know it sounds ridiculously simple, but that made me so proud! And it made me realize that the things I say to him actually are forming in him and helping him construe something out of nothing, and it makes me realize that I can use this time enjoying what I'm doing instead of feeling like I should be doing something more. That doesn't mean I'm not going to continue to pursue things for me - my writing, possible a bakery. (What's this you ask? - all in due time...allll in due time). In closing, stay-at-home mommies, and really anyone doubting their worth, here is to the buzz of anticipation and not taking what we do for granted (*clinking coffee cups unite, followed by a loud "cheers!").
P.S. I sincerely hope the dronings of "Grey Day" didn't sway you from making any comments at all. I really do appreciate them; It was just that particular day I wasn't feeling it, if you couldn't tell. SO not that I'm asking, but I sort of am, let me hear you!!
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